one

one

 

i have heard

“i am only one

yet i am still one”

but

i am still only one.

i wish i were more than one.

i have heard

“the need is the call”

if the need were the call

i would be in

israel meeting with secret believers

uganda helping prevent the abduction of children

thailand working to stop the sex trade

north korea smuggling Bibles

papua new guinea sharing the gospel

afghanistan encouraging defeated soldiers

the philippines feeding starving children

kenya guyana haiti china congo saudi arabia india iraq sudan

oh

and brooklyn

i don’t like hearing about need

around the world anymore

not because i want to close my eyes

but because i want to open them

and am forced to close them

because i cannot help all of them

i don’t like seeing homeless people

cold and begging for money

not because i want to ignore them

but because i want to rescue them

and am forced to ignore them

because I cannot help all of them

i don’t like that i am one

the needs of the world

are too great

for me to be

one

i have 300 children

and cannot meet

a fraction of their needs

i am overwhelmed by

their loss

their pain

their choices

i give them what i can

but it is not enough

i don’t like that i am one

the needs of my children

are too great

for me to be

one

i know that it is God

who makes change

but He has called us

He has called me

one

i am not content to just

do something

something is not enough

something is too small

there is too much need for something

i have heard

“i am only one

yet i am still one”

but

i am still only one.

i wish i were more than one.

despite what i wish…

i AM only one.

so what will this one do?

i cannot be more than one

so i can only make sure

my one

counts.

that my one is not just something

for the sake of something

because it is better than

nothing

no

though my one cannot be

everything

it can be everything it can be

so here i am

one

ready to be counted.

Healer

For all of you that have already read this note three times, I apologize :).  But I need to have this on my blog as opposed to just on Facebook.  I've changed it slightly to update the details.  I think it's my favorite blog I've ever written, and it's more true today than it has EVER been before.

****

On average, I invent a new word every two or three days. I used to have a little section on my wall at work called "Words That Aren't Words But Should Be" so that the world could enjoy the verbal ridiculousness that I [and some friends] would create on a day-to-day basis... such as "radicality," "ventation" and "logisticalizing." But I think one of my favorite original fictitious words has to be the testimamy.

The testimamy was invented about seven or eight years ago. And, although the word itself is humorous, the circumstances surrounding its invention were not. I was struggling, badly, in various aspects of my life. I was still coming to church, and I'd be able to get through worship and the message... but there was one thing became just too much for me to handle: testimonies. I know that sounds kind of messed up, but it was incredibly frustrating to me when someone would get up and share a testimony. It was frustrating because I started to notice that the testimonies would all have the same structure - something bad was happening, God stepped in and fixed it, and now everything is wonderful. They were clean, complete, all wrapped up in a nice box and a tasteful bow. It's not that I wasn't grateful for what God had done in their lives - but nothing resonated with me. I began to long for a testimony that wasn't so... pretty. Maybe even an incomplete one. A testimony where someone spoke out from the MIDST of their pain rather than after the storm had passed - someone who could speak to me where I was rather than calling out to me from the other side and telling me I'd get there eventually. A messy testimony. I almost decided to call it a "messtimony," but figured that was a little too negative - so, since it was a desire that I felt was very specific to me, I decided to call it a testimamy. I liked it.

Well, I've come full circle - because I have a testimamy to share with you all today. And it's my prayer that this messy, work-in-progress, half-finished, slightly uncomfortable declaration of God's awesomeness will reach someone who's still in the midst themselves.

Leave It All On The Court

As I get ready to re-launch my blog in 2012, I'm going back through past posts that I've written but never published and publishing them for the first time.  When I first wrote this [Spring 2009], two months after I began working in full-time ministry, I had no idea what was ahead of me and the trials I would face.  I can only say that this article is MORE relevant today in my own life than ever before.  I pray that it encourages you and challenges you to leave it all on the court.

*****

[march 2009]

I grew up playing pretty much every sport imaginable - gymnastics starting at age 2, softball at age 4 (okay, tee-ball), then soccer, basketball, volleyball, ultimate frisbee, you name it. I was actually a pretty mellow and even fearful child... except when I was in the gym or on the field.  The field, the court, the diamond - that was when this invisible switch would flip inside of me and I would suddenly become The Girl Who Knew No Fear.  I was the basketball player who would dive into the stands to save a loose ball from going out-of-bounds - the gymnast who would try backflipping on the balance beam without a spotter - the goalie who would stop a ball with my FACE before letting the opposing team score.  And yes, I really did all three of those things :).

There was a catch-phrase that my basketball team would always use when we were getting amped up before games: "Leave it all on the court." And that meant that we were vowing to each other that we were going to give nothing less than 100% out there from the first buzzer until the final one. We were saying that we were going to give every last ounce of physical and mental energy that we had and leave everything that we had out there between the baselines - which sometimes would literally be blood, sweat and tears. Anything less than giving 100% was completely unacceptable to us. We knew that we might not always win a division title - but when we got to the end of our season, we wanted to be able to look back at EVERY minute of EVERY game and say, "... yup, I left it all on the court. I gave it everything that I had." To have regrets, or to think "man, I wonder what would have happened if I had just played more aggressively, or if I had worked a little harder during practice, or if I hadn't let that taller player intimidate me, or if I had just had confidence that I was going to make that free throw" - that would be something that we would have to live with forever. We couldn't get those moments back.

Fast forward to today.  I may not be playing organized basketball anymore [although I'm always down for pickup!] - but now I'm playing the ultimate Game.  Now, I'm on the field as a follower of Jesus Christ... and so are many of you. So... what's our mentality? Have we made a commitment to Christ and to one another that we're gonna leave it all on the court? Are we exerting ALL of our effort when we serve Christ? Is serving Him the single most important thing in our lives? How are we spending our free time? How are we spending the money that God's given us? How are we tending to the relationships that God's given us? Are we giving our best to the ministry or ministries that we serve in? Cause eventually, our season is going to be over. And unlike sports teams who have regular schedules and four-year programs, we have no idea when our last day on the active roster might be. But whenever that day comes... and this is part that gets me... we are going to have ETERNITY to look back at the years that we "played" here on earth.

Eternity.

That's forever.

And to have to live forever saying "man, I wonder what would have happened if I had just ran after God more aggressively, or I had just worked a little harder in my ministries, or if I hadn't let that circumstance intimidate me, or if I had just had the confidence that God would give me the words to speak to my unsaved loved ones"? To have to life FOREVER with those thoughts? Now THAT'S something to be afraid of.

We can get so consumed by our life here on earth that it's easy to spend the majority of our day with not a second thought towards eternity. It's so easy for us to subconsciously (or even consciously) think that it's really all about our lives now. We're grindin' at work, thinking about what TV shows are coming on tonight, handling our business and getting up the next day to do it all over again. Of course we have to work and/or go to school and take care of our responsibilities - please don't misinterpret what I'm saying to mean that we should all quit our jobs and pray 24 hours a day. But even those things can be done with an eternal perspective. Is our job just a way to make a buck, or are we seeing that as our current mission field? When we're out with friends, are we putting our "Christian card" away for the night - or are we thinking about how we can build one another up as iron sharpens iron? Most people just don't think like that anymore. That sounds too intense. But is it? Is it too intense to think that Christ, who gave up everything for us, actually cares about EVERY moment of our lives - including when we're pushing numbers on the job or playing Wii with friends?

Call me crazy, but I think complacency - not scandals in the pulpit or misuses of the Holy Spirit or anything else – is one of the strongest ropes that's tied around Christianity in our nation today. Satan's been around for a minute - he's gotten wise to this weapon. He can't get us into drugs, sex, lying, cheating, violence and gossip? No problem. He'll just let us get comfortable with your day-to-day existence and make us complacent with our once-a-week church attendance and grace before meals. Leave it all on the court? Giving our time, resources, energy to serving God as much as we possibly can? Let's not get all radical, now. Well - I don't know about you, but if I only have a few years on this earth and then eternity to spending looking back at this little blip in my existence as the ONLY time that I can truly work for the Lord? Yeah, I'm okay with radical.

I'll admit that I haven't always left it all on the court. I'll admit that there have been times when I've held back and, metaphorically speaking, haven't sacrificed my body to go after that loose ball going out of bounds. But it's pretty cool how God sets it up that our greatest satisfaction in life will come from leaving it all on the court and giving everything we have to Him - regardless of how difficult it is.   Last night [March 2009], after BT Kids Night was over, I was a mess. I was sleep-deprived, emotionally drained, dehydrated and physically exhausted. The past few weeks had been incredibly difficult for me on top of planning and facilitating this enormous event - and the minute it was over, everything just hit me at once. I left the church and walked home with tears coming down my face and literally nothing left in me... but through my tears I was able to say, "God, I left it all on the court with this one. I gave everything I had to You."

Can I urge each and every one of you reading this to leave it all on the court for Jesus? Will you give 100% to everything that you do for Him? Will you sacrifice those things that are "permissible but not necessarily beneficial" for things that will bring in a harvest for God's kingdom? Your flesh will fight you. The enemy will fight you. Training isn't easy and it isn't natural. You're not always going to wake up in the morning and say "WOO HOO!! Can't WAIT to pray today!!" But if you make a decision that, by God's grace, you're going to do something no matter how you feel... watch how God provides the grace that you need to do it.

If every Christian were to make a decision to give 100% to the kingdom of God, our entire world would be shaken. We've heard that said before and it's become almost like an "if only" statement and nothing more. So let's stop the wishful thinking and start with us. Nothing held back. No regrets. And when our season is over, let's be able to say that we left it all on the court.

"Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize" (1 Corinthians 9:24-27).

Maybe Someone Knows

I've been thinking a lot lately about the homeless.  It's winter now, and it's cold, and there are thousands of people living in my city that do not have a place to sleep at night - and that bothers me.  I think, in theory, it bothers most of us.  But it's also a complex issue and there aren't any easy solutions - and I've struggled for many years on how Jesus would want us, as Christians, to respond to the issue of homelessness in our city.  I stumbled on this note that I wrote almost four years ago after an experience that I had with a homeless woman, and the end of it pretty much sums up exactly what I would have written if I had encountered her today.  This is not a post with answers.  This is a post with questions, and questions can make us uncomfortable - but if there's one thing I know, it's that God often lives in the uncomfortable.  Maybe through our questioning, we can find Him here.

World Race Envy

As most of you know, my friend Bethsaida left last July to go on a year-long missions trip with an organization called Adventures in Missions.  The trip is called The World Race, and for good reason - the trip involves visiting 11 countries around the world in 11 months!  She's been to Eastern Europe, the Caribbean, Africa, Southeast Asia and the Far East, working and serving along with local ministries.  I've been receiving email updates and reading every article that she's posted about the miracles that God has done in and through her.  But aside from the moments of glory, I've also read about sicknesses that she's had, sleepless nights, train rides from hell, the brokenness of the world and the unimaginable pain and poverty of third-world nations.  And for the past few months, after reading each of these reports and imagining the difficulties that she's facing, I've been finding myself facing an overwhelming and unexpected emotion.

I'd love to say that it was compassion, admiration, empowerment, or even righteous anger... but no.

It's envy.

Envy?  Why on earth would I be envious of what she's had to experience?  Why would I be envious of sickness and difficult living conditions and not having clean water?  Being separated from friends and family for a year to live with people 24/7 that she doesn't even know?  Constant traveling, exhaustion, spiritual warfare?  Am I nuts?

Well, yes, but that's not the point.

The point is that she's LIVING IT.  She's living Christ.  What she, and the other World Racers are doing is exactly what Jesus did when He was here on earth.  Looking to seek and save that which was lost.  Meeting tangible, physical needs of those He came in contact with - and then addressing the even greater spiritual ones.  Not caught up in doctrinal disputes, worship styles or church hierarchies - but simply going, serving, loving, sharing, weeping, praying and pointing the world to the only One who is able to save it.

I've sat reading many of her posts with tears rolling down my face, wishing that I could drop everything, get on a plane, find a country and start serving.  Please don't get me wrong - I absolutely LOVE the ministry that I have here with BTKIDS! and I adore every one of them dearly.  But I only get to be with the children a few hours a week - and even then the amount of time that I actually get the spend with them is extremely minimal.  Watching Bethsaida live love 24/7 has stirred something inside me that craves more - not more "work," but more Christ.  More giving cups of cold water.  More building homes for children who want to escape from the evils of the sex trade.  More conversations with a young person who is contemplating giving up their purity because no one ever told them they were worth more.

And as I sat and read and contemplated and cried over the past few months, I felt the Lord ask me a poignant question:

"Why do you have to go on an 11-month missions trip to do those things?"

Leave it to the Holy Spirit to just leave you with your mouth hanging open saying, "....uhhhhhhhh...."  But He's right.  The answer, clearly, is "I don't."  But yet... I don't.  I don't live love 24/7 and do the kinds of things that I desire to do overseas right here on my own turf.  And after some thought, I came to a new revelation about missions trips - they're easy.  And before you fall on the floor laughing, let me explain.  I don't mean they are "easy" in terms of the hardships faced, spiritual warfare, physical exhaustion, etc.  I've been on enough trips now to know that they're no joke and that they are extremely hard work.  But I say "they're easy" because they're sprints, not marathons.  You go on a 10-day, 1-month or even 11-month missions trip that has an END.  You get fired up about living love 24/7, constantly looking for ways to bless, encourage, share - and then you do it, and then you come home.  Mission: Accomplished.

But then what?

Most of us who are on trips know that the "high" that trips bring doesn't always last.  Life catches back up with us, and before we know it we're back to the same-old-same-old - looking forward to the next missions trip so that we can do it all over again.  And one danger of missions trips is that sense of "missions is something that we do 'over there'," and the mission ends when the plane lands back at JFK.  But what if... we were able to live with that "missions trip mentality" every single day of our lives?

You know what mentality I'm talking about, those of you who've been on trips.  You and your team are grabbing lunch before heading out to visit an orphanage, and a homeless person comes up to your table and begs for money.  What happens, usually, on a missions trip?  Your team sees the opportunity, invites him to come sit down, buys him lunch and looks for opportunities to share Christ with him.  Makes sense, right?  You're on a missions trip - there's a hyper-vigilance to the Holy Spirit.  Everything is a potential opportunity to make a difference for Christ - that's the mentality of a missions trip.  But now imagine the exact same situation as you and your friends are grabbing lunch in Downtown Brooklyn on a Saturday afternoon, and a homeless person comes up to your table and begs for money.  Same response?  If we're honest... probably not.  When you're on the 41 bus - are you thinking "okay, God, I'm looking for opportunities now to share Your love"?  How 'bout when we're taking a road trip with friends?  Are our thoughts geared first and foremost towards encouraging each other in the Lord and talking about the things of God... as we would be while traveling from place to place on a missions trip?

Going on a ten-day trip and committing for those ten days to allow God to use you in any and every way possible... staying constantly alert and "prayed up"... focusing on team unity... sword-in-hand, ready in and out of season... in some ways, that's "easy."  It's a short-term mission, and it will end.  But committing to living in that mentality EVERY DAY of your life, at your job, at your school, right where you are?  Now that's hard.  A forever missions trip has no end date.

My friend Gabby and I once had this idea that I believe will still happen someday.  It was to sponsor a weeklong missions trip... to New York City.  The planning, preparation and training would be exactly as it would be for a "regular" trip - team meetings, fasting and praying, strategic planning, a guardians team :), etc.  But the majority of the "trip" would be spent at our jobs, in our schools, with our families.  We'd take the "missions trip mentality" and plug it into our everyday lives.  Can you imagine what could happen in that week?  Lunchtime Bible studies could be started in workplaces.  Siblings could be witnessed to.  Homeless people could be taken to lunch and they could hear about the overwhelming love of God for the first time.  No one would have to take any time off of work, buy plane tickets or pack luggage... and best of all, it would show us that IT IS POSSIBLE to live in a missions-trip mindset in everyday life.  Not only is it possible... but I think it's what Christ intended in the first place.

So my World Race envy is subsiding somewhat.  I still admire and respect everything that Bethsaida is doing, big time!  But no longer do I feel that pull of "I have to go OVER THERE to 'do missions.'"  Now the pull is: "Jesus, give me a full-time, 24/7 missions-trip mentality right where I am, wherever I am.  Give me that hyper-vigilance to the Holy Spirit at ALL times, always ready, always prepared, always looking to serve and give and love."  I have a long.... LONG.... ways to go before I can get there.  But my path is set.  I now know my calling.  I'm called to be a missionary.

Agenda: Love,
amy:)

The Hardest Words To Sing

When I was little, I used to cry when the ball would drop on New Year's Eve.  Everyone else would be saying "HAPPY NEW YEAR!!" and blowing horns and celebrating, and I'd be sitting there bawling my eyes out.  When this first started to happen, I remember that my mom would say "what on earth is wrong with you?"  And I would say "I miss the old year!!"  It was actually quite hilarious and entertaining for my family members.

Now that I'm grown [?], I find myself getting emotional during ball-drops for a totally different reason.  New Year's Eve is usually a time when people reflect on the past twelve months, make resolutions [boo resolutions] and reflect on their successes and failures.  For me, New Year's Eve since 2002 has meant looking back at the past twelve months and being overwhelmed with gratitude for God bringing me through another year.  I find myself thinking about the difficulties and trials that I faced, and realizing that God has brought me through every single one - and that I'm standing on my feet in my right mind at the end of another year as a living testimony.  There's always a point during a NYE service where I can do nothing but stand and allow tears to fall as I become overwhelmed by the faithfulness of God.

2010 was a very difficult year, and a very incredible year.  I still haven't written my 2010 "reflection note" - hopefully that will come soon - but some of the highlights and lowlights were:

• Returning to Israel for the second time and falling even more in love with the Beautiful Land
• Planning & executing a young adult conference, missions trip and retreat all in the same year
• The death of my grandfather & other family-related struggles
• Seeing breakthroughs happen in the BTKIDS ministry
• Co-leading an amazing but unbelievably difficult missions trip to the Philippines
• Sue adopting baby Levi from Ethiopia
• Experiencing an entire year of health-related problems that are still unresolved
• Meeting and starting a relationship with an incredible man :)

These were the memories that were pouring through my mind as I sat at the Brooklyn Tabernacle for their 7PM and 10PM New Year's Eve service, but especially the last two.  The most amazing blessing and the most difficult challenge of 2010 were going with me into 2011 - figuratively and literally, as one was sitting next to me and the other was affecting my body fairly strongly even at that moment.  What was so interesting was how the two services affected me in totally different ways, and how God spoke to me through both of them. 

At the 7PM, I was so filled with joy and excitement and gratitude that I thought I might start flying while Onaje was singing!  Miguel tactfully and thoughtfully switched spots with me mid-worship so that I could stand on the end of a row [yeah, I definitely need the end of a row], and my hands couldn't be lifted high enough.  I wanted to scream and shout and dance, which I did with a level of restraint appropriate for a BT service :)  Yes, I was remembering the struggles and I knew that I still had problems going into 2011, but my spirit was so encouraged and revived in God's presence.  I remember at the end of the service just whispering "I love you Jesus" over and over, and I could literally almost hear him saying, "I love you too, Amy" right back to me.  The sense of closeness to the Lord and the peace of His presence was overwhelming.  I couldn't wait for the 10PM service to do it all over again.

But the 10PM service was quite different.  For some reason, between services, I lost that sense of God's presence.  My mind started being attacked.  My body started to experience another wave of pain.  Fear started to creep into my mind and my heart.  And I suddenly experienced the near-loss of my voice right at the beginning of worship.  Fighting the temptation to start the "why, God"s - I reminded myself that I couldn't control the circumstances I was facing, but I could control how I responded to them.  I forced myself to lift my hands, sing when I could, praise God and thank Him regardless of what I was feeling - and I felt God speaking to me and saying, "these two services are a reflection of 2010 and will be a reflection of 2011.  You will have amazing, joyful moments when you feel so close to Me and you will worship from depths that you never thought possible.  But there will also be moments when you feel nothing - when you feel as though I've forgotten you and abandoned you, and when your heart and mind and body are broken.  But in all times and in all things, I will be faithful to you and I will uphold you and give you everything you need."  Despite the struggles and difficulties, I felt encouraged that I was fighting the good fight at that moment and not allowing my emotions to dictate my worship.

Until Joanne Brown stepped up to the microphone and began to sing More Than Enough.

I knew it was coming the minute I heard those opening chords.  I knew that I was about to come face-to-face with God over the main issue that was burdening my heart, and I didn't want to.  There have been songs throughout the years that I have had a VERY difficult time singing.  When I was battling with an extremely intense period of mental warfare, I found myself physically unable to sing the last line of the second verse of I Bless Your Name:

Some midnight hour, if you should find
You're in a prison in your mind
Sing out in praise, defy those chains
And they will fall in Jesus' name.

I'd get to that line and have to stop singing, because I felt that I was singing out and defying - but the chains weren't falling.  It took years before I could finally sing that line by faith, and then later by sight.

This past year, it was the song Healer - and I couldn't bring myself to sing "You heal all my disease," because I felt like I was telling a lie... He hadn't healed my disease.  I felt hypocritical singing "I believe You're my healer" when I was battling daily with whether or not God even wanted to heal me.  And God eventually showed me that the song wasn't about an act of healing, it was about a Person and about my trust in Him to "hold my world in His hands" as I waited for my healing.

And then, on a similar note, I got to More Than Enough.  I've been believing God and trusting Him for healing [and other things] for a long time now, and those things haven't happened yet.  And as this song started to play, my mind flashed back to a scene in the movie Facing the Giants where one of the characters desperately wanted to have a child and wasn't able to do so.  She had just come out of the doctor's office where she had, again, been told that she wasn't pregnant - and she stood by her car, crying, and said to God, "Even if You never give me a child, I will still love You."  Flash forward to the last day of 2010 as I'm sitting in my seat at BT, listening to Joanne begin to sing "Jehovah Rapha... You're my healer and by Your stripes, I have been set free."  And I felt God speak to my heart and say, "even if I never heal you on this side of heaven, will you still love Me?"

My breath caught, and tears began to roll involuntarily.  To consider what God was asking me was almost too painful.  I knew He wasn't telling me that He wasn't going to heal me - He was simply checking to see where my heart was... and it was struggling.  To live the rest of my life without being healed?  To never be able to just eat regularly like a normal person and not have to worry about what something might do to my stomach?  I sat and cried and battled - and it wasn't just the healing although that was first and foremost.  It was also, "what if I took away the man sitting beside you?  Would you still love Me?"  And, "what if I called you to leave your family, friends, everything and go to a remote part of the world to experience persecution and suffering for My name so that those who have never heard the gospel could hear it?"  In our minds, we always say "yes, Lord, I'd do anything for You" - but when we're confronted with the reality of those moments, it can easily become a different story.

The song continued, and I wrestled like I haven't wrestled in a long time.  Could I really sing, in spirit and in truth, the words "You are more than enough for me?"  Was 'just God' enough if I never received the miracles that I was praying for?  God was calling me to bring my own will and desires - even Godly ones and ones that are in line with His Word - under the subjection of His perfect sovereignty.  I didn't want to do that.  I wanted control.  I wanted to know what was going to happen with me, when and how I was going to be healed, what was to be the outcome of this relationship, how 2011 was going to operate - and God was calling me to let go of all of it.  And I thought of that woman in Facing the Giants, and how she was able to say through her tears, "even if You never give me a child - I will still love You."  And by the end of the song, through an incredible amount of pain, God gave me the grace to say, "Lord, even if You never heal me - I will still love You.  Even if You take away everything and everyone that I love - I will still love You.  Even if You 'slay me,' as Job said - I will still love You."

And on the last few lines, I lifted my hands and sang:

You are more than enough
More than enough
More than enough for me.

 

I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me.  Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me.  But He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.'... That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties.  For when I am weak, then I am strong. 

-The Apostle Paul [2 Corinthians 12:7-10]

Why Facebook Isn't Evil

So, a few months ago I decided that I was going to take a one-month break from Facebook [and Twitter] in the month of November.  I decided this for many reasons - among them being the fact that November was going to be extremely busy, that I had a lot of important decisions to make during that time, and that I found that the time I spent on Facebook could probably be better used during that month doing other things.

Which means that, of course, since the Law of Amy is always in effect... in the first five days of November, the following occurred [among other things]:

• My brother [who is one of the last people that I would think might be interested in social media] got a Facebook account.
• Transitions [the young adult ministry that I work with at the Brooklyn Tabernacle] started a Twitter account.
• Pastor Todd Crews got a Twitter account.

In related news, flying pigs were reported in the tri-state area, and extremely hot places were receiving winter-weather advisories.

But seriously - it was no surprise to me that the MOMENT I left these particular social media networks, an incredible amount of exciting activity began to take place.  And despite the slight frustration of missing said activity... within about a week's time, I realized that it really wasn't all that hard to not be on Facebook.  Sure, I missed the banter with good friends and keeping up on people's lives that I wouldn't normally ever keep in contact with - but aside from that, life went on.  And a part of me wondered, "should I even come back?"

Now, I know some people who are convinced with varying levels of intensity that Facebook is evil/pointless/a waste of time/the reason why people don't pray/solely responsible for the increase in nuclear activity around the world/etc.  And I understand that, like all things, it's possible to abuse Facebook and become addicted to it, or to use in it a way that isn't beneficial to oneself or those around... one.  But, as I was pondering these things during my FB hiatus... I came to some conclusions.  So here's my personal case for why Facebook is not [innately] evil.

A few days ago, a "game" started on Facebook that people began to call "numbers."  The point was for you to put in your status a message like "Send me a number to my inbox between 1-5000 and I'll post a status telling you what I think about you."  At first glance, it looked like another one of those annoying trends/games/quizzes that I usually roll my eyes at.  But, after thinking about it for a bit, I saw the possibility for a LOT of good to come out of this... so I decided to join in [despite the fact that my usually non-conformist self was bucking wildly].

Over a 24-hour period, I received somewhere around 25 numbers.  And I was able to "publicly" encourage and speak life into 25 people with genuine words of affirmation.  I even put in a few "numbers" to some of my friends who were playing the same game so that I could receive that encouragement as well.  When it was over - I felt amazing - like I'd been able to reach so many people in such a short time just through a silly little game.

And then I thought about my experiences with Facebook/Twitter in the few years that I've been on them, and remembered when...

• ...a friend of mine reached out to me via Facebook because she was too embarrassed to talk in person about a serious problem she was having.  Through Facebook, God helped me to be able to encourage her and now she's back serving the Lord with passion.
• ...I tweeted a verse to a friend of mine who wrote back almost immediately saying "I really needed that today - thanks."
• ...I reconnected with a college friend who wasn't serving the Lord and had the opportunity to dialogue with that person for a few months about my own faith and how God had changed me.
• ...I was browsing through Facebook and saw a status come up from a friend of mine who seemed to be going through it - and it reminded me to pray for them and check in to see if all was okay.

It's not that social media was the ONLY way those things could have happened - but that's where it DID happen - because that's where those people were.  And those moments are the reasons why I decided to come back after my month-long break, and why I think Facebook and Twitter can be amazing tools that the Lord can use to impact lives, and why I don't regret playing "numbers" earlier this week.

I'm commanded to do EVERYTHING that I do to the glory of God [1 Corinthians 10:31] - and that includes my tweets and status updates.  I'm commanded to "make the most of every opportunity, redeeming the time" [Ephesians 5:16] - and that means using Facebook as part of my mission field and the "territory" that the Lord has entrusted to me.

Am I happy I went on break?  Absolutely - it was needed at the time and also a good self-check to make sure that nothing in my life was getting the in the way of my relationship with God.  But am I happy to be back?  Absolutely.  And as long as I'm able to continue to use it to build up/encourage/testify/make connections/bring a smile to the faces of those around me with my craziness... then "back" is where I'll stay.

"I have become all things to all people so that by all possible means I might save some" [1 Cor 9:22b]

 

So...now you have TWO blogs??

Helloooo, world!

Well, it would probably be more accurate to say, "Helloooo, three people who still remember that I have a blog!"  Apologies are moot, I know - I've been saying "stay tuned for the triumphant return of Foolish Things Ministries" for almost exactly two years now... "coincidentally" the same time that I began working full-time at the Brooklyn Tabernacle directing our elementary children's ministry [and that's as close as I'll get to making an excuse].

So, two years later, sitting in my apartment one average Saturday morning - I believe I've fixed the problem.  I've started another blog.

Confused Bystander: "So... you haven't posted on your original blog for two years... and your solution is... to now have to manage and stay on top of TWO blogs."

ExxxxACTly.  Kind of.  See, part of the problem is that FTM has developed a personality over the years.  FTM posts are either AGA [Amy's Great Adventures] episodes... or A-Musings [random thoughts that take on a life of their own]... or epic-length essays on who-knows-what.  But, most of the time, when I think of something that I'd like to share with people - it's somewhat short, random, oftentimes puzzling and just wouldn't fit into the FTM vibe.  Hence, blog #2.  And FTM will continue to run!  Once I get back into the habit of blogging, the FTM episodes will begin to flow, I'm sure of it.

So why "stillonthewheel"?  Well, it's been just about nine years now since I really began to pursue God - and the more I grow and the more I learn... the more I realize that I'm clueless :)  The number of times that I've said to God or to myself, "wowsers, I have SOOOOOO much to learn" is too high to count!  And, while I used to buck at any sign of imperfection in myself, I've learned that doing that causes an endless cycle of frustration and zero growth.  Now, I've been able to make peace with the fact that I am a work-in-progress, and that the Christian walk will never stop being a process.  And that God never intended me to be so focused on "achieving" that I stop enjoying the exhilarating, confusing, sometimes painful faith-building process of "becoming."

And maybe... just maybe... there are some fellow "pots on wheels" out there who might need some encouragement that "works in progress" are a-okay.  Some days, these posts might be silly and spontaneous - while others might wrestle with uncomfortable questions.  But I guess that's all part of being a pot, isn't it?

I welcome you to the journey :)