"It is what it is."
How many times have you heard a person say that phrase? My own personal estimate is probably in the thousands at this point. And every time I hear someone say it, this tiny nodule of sarcastic frustration begins to rise up inside of me, and I have to devote enormous amounts of energy to Urge Suppression so that I don't start applauding and say "CONGRATULATIONS!! You just wasted five words and said absolutely nothing."
I have no idea why I've developed this intense aversion to clichés, but it's almost always been there - especially when it comes to Christianity. I suppose that people of all worldviews and belief systems are prone to cliché-slinging, but I tend to think that Christians are just exceptionally good at it. Perhaps it's because the Bible is filled with so many amazing nuggets of truth that are just begging to be slung.
[I just spent two minutes trying to figure out if "slung" is really the past tense of "sling."]
But anyway, the point is that clichés drive me batty - even well-used ones, but ESPECIALLY poorly-used or nonsensical ones. It's gotten to the point where when someone begins a sentence with "well, you know what they say..." I feel adrenaline begin to course through my veins. I really, really don't like "they." I feel like "they" should just identify themselves so that I can go and challenge who gave "them" the authority to make decisions and form unarguable conclusions about everything from swimming after eating to nuclear warfare.
So I was confronted, once again, with one of my LEAST favorite clichés the other day and was smhing [is that a word? shaking my head-ing?] all night until the smh made it onto Twitter in the form of a tweet that said, "is it wrong that i absolutely abhor Christian clichés, even if they're true and Biblical?" To which my friend Rich helpfully replied with this sound advice: "I'd love to see your Top 5 most despised Christian clichés."
I actually really DID appreciate his response, because part of my fear was that someone would reply to that Tweet starting with "well, you know what they say..." and I would begin to violently pull out my own hair while desperately hoping that they would run out of their 140 characters before getting to their point. So I promised this blog entry... and here it is. Now, I admit that I'm cheating a little bit, because some of these aren't necessarily "clichés," but more of "things Christians tend to say that really don't make any sense" or "phrases that Christians horribly misuse, even though there might be a grain [or even multiple grains] of truth to them." So, with that caveat in place, I now present:
*MY TOP FIVE MOST ANNOYING CHRISTIAN CLICHÉS*
Honorable Mention: TOUCH NOT MINE ANOINTED
Okay, this one is not NEARLY as much of an issue as it used to be - but five or six years ago this one was totally #1 on the list. This is the phrase that people would use anytime someone would question the teachings of a particular pastor/preacher/teacher [special note just to clarify: this was not ever used to my knowledge at the Brooklyn Tabernacle :)]. This phrase used in that way is, of course, ripped totally out of context from Scripture when in fact we are COMMANDED all throughout the Bible to test prophets, teaching, etc. My understanding is that this verse was in talking about doing harm to those that God has called/chosen... not in trying to properly discern when they are "rightly dividing the word of truth" [2 Tim 2:15]. Bonus Annoying Points on this one if the person says "mine anointed" rather than "my anointed" [see below post on Jamesisms].
5) GOD TOLD ME TO TELL YOU
Yeah... for all those out there who may at some point receive a word from the Lord for me - which, to clarify, is totally Biblical and possible today? Do me a favor, and don't start your sentence off with this phrase. A simple modification of "I feel like the Lord has told me to tell you..." or "To the best of my ability to discern, I feel like God is saying..." When someone says "God told me to tell you," the discussion is then closed. What am I supposed to say if I disagree? "Uh.....no, He didn't." ? There's just an element of arrogance [although, admittedly, often unintended] when we say this. We're all still learning to discern what's the voice of God and what's coming from our own thoughts - so let's keep it humble and allow, even in our opening statement when giving a "word", that we are fallible humans that might actually have the slightest chance of being wrong. If it's really from God, the "word" itself with carry enough weight & authority without you having to declare that THUS SAYETH THE LORD beyond any shadow of any doubt. Cool?
4) GOD IS AS CLOSE AS THE MENTION OF HIS NAME
This one drives me batty for two reasons. First, it's not in Scripture - and I've heard MANY people... even pastors!... say, "And, as the Bible says, God is as close as the mention of His name." May be true in a sense - but it's not in the Bible. And second... is God as close as the mention of His name? Actually, He's even closer. He's there even when we AREN'T calling on His name, or when we're too weak to even speak His name. Yes, this is partially just semantics - so this particular cliché isn't so bad when it's used in a clear "this is truth but not Scripture" type way... but it still goes on the list.
3) ON ONE ACCORD
Ah, the Jamesisms. I could probably cite a slew of these, but I picked this one just as an example. Jamesisms are phrases picked from the King James Bible [written in 1611... keep that in mind...] that are used in everyday English among Christians. One major downside of Jamesisms is that many CHRISTIANS have no idea what you're saying, let alone unbelievers, because we just don't speak that way anymore. Thees and thous and all that, in my personal opinion, just separate "religious" talk from "regular life" talk - and that's the exactly opposite of how the Bible intended. Now, I understand if people read the King James Bible personally and they are quoting a verse and use that particular translation. No problem. But when phrases just seep into the vernacular, that's when it starts to shift into cliché world. For example: "Okay, team, let's spend a few minutes focusing on what we're going to do today - I want to make sure that we are all on one accord." On one accord? What's an accord? Why are we on one? How do you even GET "on" an "accord"? What on earth does that MEAN?!?! Maybe that's just me, but that's one of those times where we sling around phrases that, really, if broken down, don't really seem to make a lot of sense [grammatically, if nothing else]. Plus, one just as easily could have said, "Okay, team, let's spend a few minutes focusing on what we're going to do today - I want to make sure that we're all united." I know, I know, this one is probably just a pet peeve - but it remains regardless.
2) I DON'T HEAR VERY MANY AMENS or IT'S GETTING REAL QUIET IN HERE
Okay, here we go. The tomatoes might start flying through the air at this one because I know a LOT of people who use that phrase - and I love you all :). But here's why this one gets the #2 slot on this list. First of all, in my opinion, this statement accomplishes zero spiritual good, except possibly for the person speaking. For the people listening, it either 1) makes them feel guilty and/or less spiritual for not having amen-ed, 2) causes them to shout out AMEN just as a reaction even if what was just said from the platform was TOTALLY confusing or even untrue, 3) creates an expectation among the people seated that amens are now expected for the remainder of the message, lest they get called out again for failing to give them. In an "amen" culture [and by that, I mean a church culture where people listening call out 'amen' when they especially agree with something the speaker is saying], there's usually a reason why people are not amen-ing in any given moment. It could be that the speaker just said something that they don't understand, or have to process. It could be that God is speaking to the people and their quietness is a reflection of that - and by saying "can I get an amen?" or "it's getting real quiet in here" it's actually distracting people from what God is doing in that moment. Or maybe, no offense, the point being made just wasn't as awesome as the speaker thought it was. My take: let amens come naturally from those who feel to give them. A lack of amens doesn't mean a bad message or that God isn't moving. A stilled silence in the room usually means God IS moving - so let's let Him move without redirecting attention to ourselves and our desire to hear "amens" from the crowd... or commenting on the silence so that people can see how our message has "quieted the crowd." Let God do God.
1) TRAVELING MERCIES
Most of you who know me well already know how this phrase makes me want to destroy things. And I think the major reason why is that everyone uses this phrase, and no one acknowledges that it makes no sense. To start: I am totally in favor of praying that God would keep us safe when we are going from place to place. I have no issue with the subject matter. I have issue with the phrase itself. What on planet Earth is a traveling mercy? At first I thought it was just a Jamesism, but it's not! It's not in the Bible! Nowhere in all of God's story does anyone pray for, ask for, talk about "traveling mercies." And when you think about it - if you're going to use a weird phrase like that - shouldn't it be "traveling grace"? I am fully aware that this will now cause giggle outbreaks in prayer circles around the nation [okay - more realistically - among the three people who actually read this blog] when someone says "traveling mercies," and that's a risk that I'm willing to take to provoke change :).
So there you have it! What are YOUR most annoying Christian clichés, misused phrases, etc.?
