Stones

I was listening to a song by Jason Upton called “Stones” this morning.  Now, if you’re not familiar with Jason Upton – he is one of the most unique worship leaders that I’ve ever encountered.  If I had to classify him in a genre, I’d probably put him into the “prophetic worship” category, which I understand means that I’ve lost at least ten of you reading because there’s a lot of craziness and silliness that is also labeled in that category.  But from listening to his music [I have 13 of his CDs] and also from seeing him twice live, I truly believe that he is someone who literally sings prophetically – singing God’s right-now heart over the people who are listening.  As you'll hear if you listen to "Stones," a good deal of the time he writes/sings spontaneously - this song wasn't written before he started singing it live, and it was only recorded once.  If you’re interested in starting to listen to him, let me know so that I can direct you to one of the more ‘normal’ albums first :).  He takes some getting used to :).

So anyway, I’m listening to “Stones,” which is one of those songs that made me say, “what on earth is THIS??” the first ten or so times that I heard it.  [This is not abnormal when listening to Jason Upton.]  But a couple of years ago, somewhere around the eleventh time that I heard the song – something just JUMPED out at me and smacked me in the face and it became one of the most profound songs that I’ve ever heard.  This song isn’t Scripture, obviously – but the principles that he talks about are Biblically sound and there are plenty of Scriptures that can reinforce them.

He starts off the song by singing “in the midst of the Presence, there’s the stones.” If you’re scratching your head and saying “huh?” – you’re in good company. But let me take you through it as it became clear to me…

He goes on to talk about the stone that the world’s rejected – the chief cornerstone. So okay, this isn’t too bad – he’s saying that in the midst of the presence of God, we find Christ.  So far, so good, right?  Then he starts saying that the stone kills the giant.  Okayyyyy, so now we’ve got David & Goliath imagery here alongside of Christ imagery… so… the stone (which is Christ) is found in the presence of God, and even though that stone is what the world has rejected, it’s that very stone that we’ve been given to use to kill the giants in our lives.

Deep… deep… but he’s not done.

Then he starts defining the stone in another way – yes, it is Christ – but then he also begins to define the stone as the way of the Lord, the fear of the Lord. And “fear” not meaning terror or anxiety – meaning complete awe of the majesty and glory of God that produces in us absolute honor, respect, reverence and confidence.

Well, that definitely makes sense in the David & Goliath context.  When David picked up those stones to kill the giant, I always used to think “wow, that took an ENORMOUS amount of faith to do that!”  But now I think a little differently.  Of course, yes, it still did take an enormous amount of faith – but I don’t think David saw it that way.  I think that David feared [respected, revered, honored] the Lord so much… and his view of God because of that fear was so BIG… that it felt perfectly normal for him to grab five stones and a sling to take down the man that had paralyzed the entire Israelite army.

Think about it in terms of our own lives.  When we’re afraid or hesitant to do something, it’s usually because of a lack of confidence in the outcome.  I remember at the transitions retreat watching people completely freak out before going on the Giant Swing [literally exactly what it sounds like if you aren’t familiar] because it looked so intimidating… so high… so dangerous.  And then I watched those same people come back the following year, and the following, and by the third or fourth year they were strolling up to that swing with total swag and zero fear.  What changed?  The swing didn’t.  No, their confidence level in that swing did.  They had experienced it for themselves time and time again and they began to truly know that the swing was not going to fail them.

And David, after he had experienced the Lord for himself on so many other occasions, had gained that same confidence.  This was the same God who had helped him kill a lion and bear that threatened his flock – so why would this “uncircumcised Philistine” be any different?  To David, picking up those stones wasn’t this huge, gutsy move – it was logical.  His fear of God, his confidence in God, was so big that he couldn’t even understand why the Israelite army was even afraid of this guy.

In other words – because he feared the Lord… he feared nothing else.

So back to our song… in the midst of the presence of God, we find the stone – which is Christ, because it’s only through Christ that we even have access to God – but specifically, we’re asked to PICK UP the stone that the whole world has rejected – which denotes picking up the fear of God. And it’s in picking that up that we… WE… are able to kill giants.

My absolute favorite, favorite line in this song is this:

There it is!!
In the midst of the Presence, the giant-killer
It’s the way of the fear of the Lord
Pick it up!

I love how there’s even an element of revelation in the song itself – as if suddenly a light switch had been turned on.  “There it is!”  “Hey look, here’s our weapon!”  If we would truly, truly, truly learn to fear God… there is absolutely NOTHING that would cause us fear in our lives, and there would be no giant that could not be taken down.  We would go anywhere, do anything for the Lord no matter how crazy or radical or even dangerous.  There would be nothing that Satan could hold over our heads and say “ah, but I’m holding you back here.” But this fear of the Lord, according to this song, isn’t just something that is given to all Christians just because they’re saved.

We have to pick it up.

And one of those most interesting things that this song brings out is HOW we do that.  Not by striving.  Not by begging God to give it to us [although prayer plays a role].  In fact, it’s not so much a HOW, but a WHERE… in the midst of the Presence. Intimacy.  Solitude.  Time sitting before God and just simply KNOWING Him.  I can imagine that this was probably imparted to David during the many long hours he spent alone with his harp and his God as he tended the sheep.  The fear of the Lord isn’t something that we can achieve, it’s something that must be imparted to us – and the only way for impartation to happen is through sustained intimacy.  And it’s not a quick process, for those of you who are like me and are long-sufferingly-challenged.  As much as we’d like spiritual growth and understanding to happen like Neo’s kung-fu instant download in The Matrix – it doesn’t most of the time.  But it’s only through this process that we can begin to truly experience the fear of God – which not only is a giant-killer, but also the beginning of wisdom… which is another blog post entirely :).

Do you have giants in your life?  Are there circumstances on the outside, or strongholds on the inside, that seem absolutely impossible to defeat?  Are you battling the same battle over and over again to the point where you’ve actually began to accept it as simply part of who you are?  Don’t do it!  There is no giant that can’t be brought down with the right stones – and that very stone is the fear of God that is found in His Presence through Christ. 

If the giant is internal – the fear of God is absolutely the answer. If we fear God truly, we cannot fear or desire anything else but Him.  Through a true, genuine fear of the Lord – other strongholds/temptations/desires will just naturally fall by the wayside.  We won’t have to strive and wrestle – we will no longer even DESIRE those things once the fear of God has taken its rightful place in our hearts.  If the giant is external – there’s no guarantee that the fear of God will instantly solve whatever problem you face – but God is more interested in changing your character than changing your circumstances.  In His Presence, YOU will change.  Your circumstances will no longer affect your joy or your praise when you truly pick up the fear of the Lord, and you will be able to boast in your afflictions as Paul did – because you will delight that His power is actually perfected and brought to fulfillment through those very circumstances.  Your circumstances will be the very thing that will bring Him glory – and with the fear of the Lord, that alone will be your deepest desire.  And once that happens, whether the external circumstance changes or not, the giant has been slain.

It’s such a simple thing, a stone.  It’s no wonder that the world has rejected it.  But it’s waiting for us if we are willing to look for it.  That first line now makes a little more sense…. “in the midst of the Presence, there’s the stones.”  And those stones can only be found there – the fear of God can only be found in the presence of God.  It cannot be taught or even caught – it must be imparted from the Lord Himself.

I believe that a true, genuine fear of God is the only thing that will be able to truly change US, our ministries, our city, our nation and our world.  I’m so far from it.  At times I feel like it’s almost unattainable.  But most of the time, when that feeling occurs, it’s because I’m not spending enough time in the Presence… so the stones seem distant and small.

Are you, like me, tired of being intimidated by your giants?  Do you strive to be like David and not the Israelite army?  Enter into His presence through the name of Jesus and pick up the stones… the fear of the Lord… and watch those giants begin to fall.

from Jason Upton's 2005 album "Open Up The Earth."

Background vocals by Jason's wife Rachel Upton.

Lyrics below are often repeated, only main lyrics are written.

Listen to "Stones" by clicking here. 

in the midst of the Presence, there’s the stones
in the midst of the Presence, I give you stones
in the midst of the River, I give you stones
that will kill the giant

in the midst of the presence, there’s the stones
that the world’s rejected
that the world’s discarded
in the midst of the presence, there’s the stones
that the world rejected
there’s the stone, the chief cornerstone
in the midst of the presence there’s the stone that the world rejected

and it kills the giant
there’s the stone that killed the giant
do you see what I see?
there’s the stone that the world rejected and it kills the giant

there it is!
pick up the way of the Lord
pick it up!
the way of the Lord
the fear of the Lord

there it is!!
in the midst of the presence, the giant killer
it’s the way of the fear of the Lord
pick it up!

Leave It All On The Court

As I get ready to re-launch my blog in 2012, I'm going back through past posts that I've written but never published and publishing them for the first time.  When I first wrote this [Spring 2009], two months after I began working in full-time ministry, I had no idea what was ahead of me and the trials I would face.  I can only say that this article is MORE relevant today in my own life than ever before.  I pray that it encourages you and challenges you to leave it all on the court.

*****

[march 2009]

I grew up playing pretty much every sport imaginable - gymnastics starting at age 2, softball at age 4 (okay, tee-ball), then soccer, basketball, volleyball, ultimate frisbee, you name it. I was actually a pretty mellow and even fearful child... except when I was in the gym or on the field.  The field, the court, the diamond - that was when this invisible switch would flip inside of me and I would suddenly become The Girl Who Knew No Fear.  I was the basketball player who would dive into the stands to save a loose ball from going out-of-bounds - the gymnast who would try backflipping on the balance beam without a spotter - the goalie who would stop a ball with my FACE before letting the opposing team score.  And yes, I really did all three of those things :).

There was a catch-phrase that my basketball team would always use when we were getting amped up before games: "Leave it all on the court." And that meant that we were vowing to each other that we were going to give nothing less than 100% out there from the first buzzer until the final one. We were saying that we were going to give every last ounce of physical and mental energy that we had and leave everything that we had out there between the baselines - which sometimes would literally be blood, sweat and tears. Anything less than giving 100% was completely unacceptable to us. We knew that we might not always win a division title - but when we got to the end of our season, we wanted to be able to look back at EVERY minute of EVERY game and say, "... yup, I left it all on the court. I gave it everything that I had." To have regrets, or to think "man, I wonder what would have happened if I had just played more aggressively, or if I had worked a little harder during practice, or if I hadn't let that taller player intimidate me, or if I had just had confidence that I was going to make that free throw" - that would be something that we would have to live with forever. We couldn't get those moments back.

Fast forward to today.  I may not be playing organized basketball anymore [although I'm always down for pickup!] - but now I'm playing the ultimate Game.  Now, I'm on the field as a follower of Jesus Christ... and so are many of you. So... what's our mentality? Have we made a commitment to Christ and to one another that we're gonna leave it all on the court? Are we exerting ALL of our effort when we serve Christ? Is serving Him the single most important thing in our lives? How are we spending our free time? How are we spending the money that God's given us? How are we tending to the relationships that God's given us? Are we giving our best to the ministry or ministries that we serve in? Cause eventually, our season is going to be over. And unlike sports teams who have regular schedules and four-year programs, we have no idea when our last day on the active roster might be. But whenever that day comes... and this is part that gets me... we are going to have ETERNITY to look back at the years that we "played" here on earth.

Eternity.

That's forever.

And to have to live forever saying "man, I wonder what would have happened if I had just ran after God more aggressively, or I had just worked a little harder in my ministries, or if I hadn't let that circumstance intimidate me, or if I had just had the confidence that God would give me the words to speak to my unsaved loved ones"? To have to life FOREVER with those thoughts? Now THAT'S something to be afraid of.

We can get so consumed by our life here on earth that it's easy to spend the majority of our day with not a second thought towards eternity. It's so easy for us to subconsciously (or even consciously) think that it's really all about our lives now. We're grindin' at work, thinking about what TV shows are coming on tonight, handling our business and getting up the next day to do it all over again. Of course we have to work and/or go to school and take care of our responsibilities - please don't misinterpret what I'm saying to mean that we should all quit our jobs and pray 24 hours a day. But even those things can be done with an eternal perspective. Is our job just a way to make a buck, or are we seeing that as our current mission field? When we're out with friends, are we putting our "Christian card" away for the night - or are we thinking about how we can build one another up as iron sharpens iron? Most people just don't think like that anymore. That sounds too intense. But is it? Is it too intense to think that Christ, who gave up everything for us, actually cares about EVERY moment of our lives - including when we're pushing numbers on the job or playing Wii with friends?

Call me crazy, but I think complacency - not scandals in the pulpit or misuses of the Holy Spirit or anything else – is one of the strongest ropes that's tied around Christianity in our nation today. Satan's been around for a minute - he's gotten wise to this weapon. He can't get us into drugs, sex, lying, cheating, violence and gossip? No problem. He'll just let us get comfortable with your day-to-day existence and make us complacent with our once-a-week church attendance and grace before meals. Leave it all on the court? Giving our time, resources, energy to serving God as much as we possibly can? Let's not get all radical, now. Well - I don't know about you, but if I only have a few years on this earth and then eternity to spending looking back at this little blip in my existence as the ONLY time that I can truly work for the Lord? Yeah, I'm okay with radical.

I'll admit that I haven't always left it all on the court. I'll admit that there have been times when I've held back and, metaphorically speaking, haven't sacrificed my body to go after that loose ball going out of bounds. But it's pretty cool how God sets it up that our greatest satisfaction in life will come from leaving it all on the court and giving everything we have to Him - regardless of how difficult it is.   Last night [March 2009], after BT Kids Night was over, I was a mess. I was sleep-deprived, emotionally drained, dehydrated and physically exhausted. The past few weeks had been incredibly difficult for me on top of planning and facilitating this enormous event - and the minute it was over, everything just hit me at once. I left the church and walked home with tears coming down my face and literally nothing left in me... but through my tears I was able to say, "God, I left it all on the court with this one. I gave everything I had to You."

Can I urge each and every one of you reading this to leave it all on the court for Jesus? Will you give 100% to everything that you do for Him? Will you sacrifice those things that are "permissible but not necessarily beneficial" for things that will bring in a harvest for God's kingdom? Your flesh will fight you. The enemy will fight you. Training isn't easy and it isn't natural. You're not always going to wake up in the morning and say "WOO HOO!! Can't WAIT to pray today!!" But if you make a decision that, by God's grace, you're going to do something no matter how you feel... watch how God provides the grace that you need to do it.

If every Christian were to make a decision to give 100% to the kingdom of God, our entire world would be shaken. We've heard that said before and it's become almost like an "if only" statement and nothing more. So let's stop the wishful thinking and start with us. Nothing held back. No regrets. And when our season is over, let's be able to say that we left it all on the court.

"Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize" (1 Corinthians 9:24-27).

Maybe Someone Knows

I've been thinking a lot lately about the homeless.  It's winter now, and it's cold, and there are thousands of people living in my city that do not have a place to sleep at night - and that bothers me.  I think, in theory, it bothers most of us.  But it's also a complex issue and there aren't any easy solutions - and I've struggled for many years on how Jesus would want us, as Christians, to respond to the issue of homelessness in our city.  I stumbled on this note that I wrote almost four years ago after an experience that I had with a homeless woman, and the end of it pretty much sums up exactly what I would have written if I had encountered her today.  This is not a post with answers.  This is a post with questions, and questions can make us uncomfortable - but if there's one thing I know, it's that God often lives in the uncomfortable.  Maybe through our questioning, we can find Him here.

World Race Envy

As most of you know, my friend Bethsaida left last July to go on a year-long missions trip with an organization called Adventures in Missions.  The trip is called The World Race, and for good reason - the trip involves visiting 11 countries around the world in 11 months!  She's been to Eastern Europe, the Caribbean, Africa, Southeast Asia and the Far East, working and serving along with local ministries.  I've been receiving email updates and reading every article that she's posted about the miracles that God has done in and through her.  But aside from the moments of glory, I've also read about sicknesses that she's had, sleepless nights, train rides from hell, the brokenness of the world and the unimaginable pain and poverty of third-world nations.  And for the past few months, after reading each of these reports and imagining the difficulties that she's facing, I've been finding myself facing an overwhelming and unexpected emotion.

I'd love to say that it was compassion, admiration, empowerment, or even righteous anger... but no.

It's envy.

Envy?  Why on earth would I be envious of what she's had to experience?  Why would I be envious of sickness and difficult living conditions and not having clean water?  Being separated from friends and family for a year to live with people 24/7 that she doesn't even know?  Constant traveling, exhaustion, spiritual warfare?  Am I nuts?

Well, yes, but that's not the point.

The point is that she's LIVING IT.  She's living Christ.  What she, and the other World Racers are doing is exactly what Jesus did when He was here on earth.  Looking to seek and save that which was lost.  Meeting tangible, physical needs of those He came in contact with - and then addressing the even greater spiritual ones.  Not caught up in doctrinal disputes, worship styles or church hierarchies - but simply going, serving, loving, sharing, weeping, praying and pointing the world to the only One who is able to save it.

I've sat reading many of her posts with tears rolling down my face, wishing that I could drop everything, get on a plane, find a country and start serving.  Please don't get me wrong - I absolutely LOVE the ministry that I have here with BTKIDS! and I adore every one of them dearly.  But I only get to be with the children a few hours a week - and even then the amount of time that I actually get the spend with them is extremely minimal.  Watching Bethsaida live love 24/7 has stirred something inside me that craves more - not more "work," but more Christ.  More giving cups of cold water.  More building homes for children who want to escape from the evils of the sex trade.  More conversations with a young person who is contemplating giving up their purity because no one ever told them they were worth more.

And as I sat and read and contemplated and cried over the past few months, I felt the Lord ask me a poignant question:

"Why do you have to go on an 11-month missions trip to do those things?"

Leave it to the Holy Spirit to just leave you with your mouth hanging open saying, "....uhhhhhhhh...."  But He's right.  The answer, clearly, is "I don't."  But yet... I don't.  I don't live love 24/7 and do the kinds of things that I desire to do overseas right here on my own turf.  And after some thought, I came to a new revelation about missions trips - they're easy.  And before you fall on the floor laughing, let me explain.  I don't mean they are "easy" in terms of the hardships faced, spiritual warfare, physical exhaustion, etc.  I've been on enough trips now to know that they're no joke and that they are extremely hard work.  But I say "they're easy" because they're sprints, not marathons.  You go on a 10-day, 1-month or even 11-month missions trip that has an END.  You get fired up about living love 24/7, constantly looking for ways to bless, encourage, share - and then you do it, and then you come home.  Mission: Accomplished.

But then what?

Most of us who are on trips know that the "high" that trips bring doesn't always last.  Life catches back up with us, and before we know it we're back to the same-old-same-old - looking forward to the next missions trip so that we can do it all over again.  And one danger of missions trips is that sense of "missions is something that we do 'over there'," and the mission ends when the plane lands back at JFK.  But what if... we were able to live with that "missions trip mentality" every single day of our lives?

You know what mentality I'm talking about, those of you who've been on trips.  You and your team are grabbing lunch before heading out to visit an orphanage, and a homeless person comes up to your table and begs for money.  What happens, usually, on a missions trip?  Your team sees the opportunity, invites him to come sit down, buys him lunch and looks for opportunities to share Christ with him.  Makes sense, right?  You're on a missions trip - there's a hyper-vigilance to the Holy Spirit.  Everything is a potential opportunity to make a difference for Christ - that's the mentality of a missions trip.  But now imagine the exact same situation as you and your friends are grabbing lunch in Downtown Brooklyn on a Saturday afternoon, and a homeless person comes up to your table and begs for money.  Same response?  If we're honest... probably not.  When you're on the 41 bus - are you thinking "okay, God, I'm looking for opportunities now to share Your love"?  How 'bout when we're taking a road trip with friends?  Are our thoughts geared first and foremost towards encouraging each other in the Lord and talking about the things of God... as we would be while traveling from place to place on a missions trip?

Going on a ten-day trip and committing for those ten days to allow God to use you in any and every way possible... staying constantly alert and "prayed up"... focusing on team unity... sword-in-hand, ready in and out of season... in some ways, that's "easy."  It's a short-term mission, and it will end.  But committing to living in that mentality EVERY DAY of your life, at your job, at your school, right where you are?  Now that's hard.  A forever missions trip has no end date.

My friend Gabby and I once had this idea that I believe will still happen someday.  It was to sponsor a weeklong missions trip... to New York City.  The planning, preparation and training would be exactly as it would be for a "regular" trip - team meetings, fasting and praying, strategic planning, a guardians team :), etc.  But the majority of the "trip" would be spent at our jobs, in our schools, with our families.  We'd take the "missions trip mentality" and plug it into our everyday lives.  Can you imagine what could happen in that week?  Lunchtime Bible studies could be started in workplaces.  Siblings could be witnessed to.  Homeless people could be taken to lunch and they could hear about the overwhelming love of God for the first time.  No one would have to take any time off of work, buy plane tickets or pack luggage... and best of all, it would show us that IT IS POSSIBLE to live in a missions-trip mindset in everyday life.  Not only is it possible... but I think it's what Christ intended in the first place.

So my World Race envy is subsiding somewhat.  I still admire and respect everything that Bethsaida is doing, big time!  But no longer do I feel that pull of "I have to go OVER THERE to 'do missions.'"  Now the pull is: "Jesus, give me a full-time, 24/7 missions-trip mentality right where I am, wherever I am.  Give me that hyper-vigilance to the Holy Spirit at ALL times, always ready, always prepared, always looking to serve and give and love."  I have a long.... LONG.... ways to go before I can get there.  But my path is set.  I now know my calling.  I'm called to be a missionary.

Agenda: Love,
amy:)

Death to Cliché

"It is what it is."

How many times have you heard a person say that phrase?  My own personal estimate is probably in the thousands at this point.  And every time I hear someone say it, this tiny nodule of sarcastic frustration begins to rise up inside of me, and I have to devote enormous amounts of energy to Urge Suppression so that I don't start applauding and say "CONGRATULATIONS!!  You just wasted five words and said absolutely nothing."

I have no idea why I've developed this intense aversion to clichés, but it's almost always been there - especially when it comes to Christianity.  I suppose that people of all worldviews and belief systems are prone to cliché-slinging, but I tend to think that Christians are just exceptionally good at it.  Perhaps it's because the Bible is filled with so many amazing nuggets of truth that are just begging to be slung.

[I just spent two minutes trying to figure out if "slung" is really the past tense of "sling."]

But anyway, the point is that clichés drive me batty - even well-used ones, but ESPECIALLY poorly-used or nonsensical ones.  It's gotten to the point where when someone begins a sentence with "well, you know what they say..." I feel adrenaline begin to course through my veins.  I really, really don't like "they."  I feel like "they" should just identify themselves so that I can go and challenge who gave "them" the authority to make decisions and form unarguable conclusions about everything from swimming after eating to nuclear warfare.

So I was confronted, once again, with one of my LEAST favorite clichés the other day and was smhing [is that a word?  shaking my head-ing?] all night until the smh made it onto Twitter in the form of a tweet that said, "is it wrong that i absolutely abhor Christian clichés, even if they're true and Biblical?"  To which my friend Rich helpfully replied with this sound advice: "I'd love to see your Top 5 most despised Christian clichés."

I actually really DID appreciate his response, because part of my fear was that someone would reply to that Tweet starting with "well, you know what they say..." and I would begin to violently pull out my own hair while desperately hoping that they would run out of their 140 characters before getting to their point.  So I promised this blog entry... and here it is.  Now, I admit that I'm cheating a little bit, because some of these aren't necessarily "clichés," but more of "things Christians tend to say that really don't make any sense" or "phrases that Christians horribly misuse, even though there might be a grain [or even multiple grains] of truth to them."  So, with that caveat in place, I now present:

*MY TOP FIVE MOST ANNOYING CHRISTIAN CLICHÉS*

Honorable Mention: TOUCH NOT MINE ANOINTED

Okay, this one is not NEARLY as much of an issue as it used to be - but five or six years ago this one was totally #1 on the list.  This is the phrase that people would use anytime someone would question the teachings of a particular pastor/preacher/teacher [special note just to clarify: this was not ever used to my knowledge at the Brooklyn Tabernacle :)].  This phrase used in that way is, of course, ripped totally out of context from Scripture when in fact we are COMMANDED all throughout the Bible to test prophets, teaching, etc.  My understanding is that this verse was in talking about doing harm to those that God has called/chosen... not in trying to properly discern when they are "rightly dividing the word of truth" [2 Tim 2:15].  Bonus Annoying Points on this one if the person says "mine anointed" rather than "my anointed" [see below post on Jamesisms].

5) GOD TOLD ME TO TELL YOU

Yeah... for all those out there who may at some point receive a word from the Lord for me - which, to clarify, is totally Biblical and possible today?  Do me a favor, and don't start your sentence off with this phrase.  A simple modification of "I feel like the Lord has told me to tell you..." or "To the best of my ability to discern, I feel like God is saying..."  When someone says "God told me to tell you," the discussion is then closed.  What am I supposed to say if I disagree?  "Uh.....no, He didn't." ?  There's just an element of arrogance [although, admittedly, often unintended] when we say this.  We're all still learning to discern what's the voice of God and what's coming from our own thoughts - so let's keep it humble and allow, even in our opening statement when giving a "word", that we are fallible humans that might actually have the slightest chance of being wrong.  If it's really from God, the "word" itself with carry enough weight & authority without you having to declare that THUS SAYETH THE LORD beyond any shadow of any doubt.  Cool?

4) GOD IS AS CLOSE AS THE MENTION OF HIS NAME

This one drives me batty for two reasons.  First, it's not in Scripture - and I've heard MANY people... even pastors!... say, "And, as the Bible says, God is as close as the mention of His name."  May be true in a sense - but it's not in the Bible.  And second... is God as close as the mention of His name?  Actually, He's even closer.  He's there even when we AREN'T calling on His name, or when we're too weak to even speak His name.  Yes, this is partially just semantics - so this particular cliché isn't so bad when it's used in a clear "this is truth but not Scripture" type way... but it still goes on the list.

3) ON ONE ACCORD

Ah, the Jamesisms.  I could probably cite a slew of these, but I picked this one just as an example.  Jamesisms are phrases picked from the King James Bible [written in 1611... keep that in mind...] that are used in everyday English among Christians.  One major downside of Jamesisms is that many CHRISTIANS have no idea what you're saying, let alone unbelievers, because we just don't speak that way anymore.  Thees and thous and all that, in my personal opinion, just separate "religious" talk from "regular life" talk - and that's the exactly opposite of how the Bible intended.  Now, I understand if people read the King James Bible personally and they are quoting a verse and use that particular translation.  No problem.  But when phrases just seep into the vernacular, that's when it starts to shift into cliché world.  For example: "Okay, team, let's spend a few minutes focusing on what we're going to do today - I want to make sure that we are all on one accord."  On one accord?  What's an accord?  Why are we on one?  How do you even GET "on" an "accord"?  What on earth does that MEAN?!?!  Maybe that's just me, but that's one of those times where we sling around phrases that, really, if broken down, don't really seem to make a lot of sense [grammatically, if nothing else].  Plus, one just as easily could have said, "Okay, team, let's spend a few minutes focusing on what we're going to do today - I want to make sure that we're all united."  I know, I know, this one is probably just a pet peeve - but it remains regardless.

2) I DON'T HEAR VERY MANY AMENS or IT'S GETTING REAL QUIET IN HERE

Okay, here we go.  The tomatoes might start flying through the air at this one because I know a LOT of people who use that phrase - and I love you all :).  But here's why this one gets the #2 slot on this list.  First of all, in my opinion, this statement accomplishes zero spiritual good, except possibly for the person speaking.  For the people listening, it either 1) makes them feel guilty and/or less spiritual for not having amen-ed, 2) causes them to shout out AMEN just as a reaction even if what was just said from the platform was TOTALLY confusing or even untrue, 3) creates an expectation among the people seated that amens are now expected for the remainder of the message, lest they get called out again for failing to give them.  In an "amen" culture [and by that, I mean a church culture where people listening call out 'amen' when they especially agree with something the speaker is saying], there's usually a reason why people are not amen-ing in any given moment.  It could be that the speaker just said something that they don't understand, or have to process.  It could be that God is speaking to the people and their quietness is a reflection of that - and by saying "can I get an amen?" or "it's getting real quiet in here" it's actually distracting people from what God is doing in that moment.  Or maybe, no offense, the point being made just wasn't as awesome as the speaker thought it was.  My take: let amens come naturally from those who feel to give them.  A lack of amens doesn't mean a bad message or that God isn't moving.  A stilled silence in the room usually means God IS moving - so let's let Him move without redirecting attention to ourselves and our desire to hear "amens" from the crowd... or commenting on the silence so that people can see how our message has "quieted the crowd."  Let God do God.

1) TRAVELING MERCIES

Most of you who know me well already know how this phrase makes me want to destroy things.  And I think the major reason why is that everyone uses this phrase, and no one acknowledges that it makes no sense.  To start: I am totally in favor of praying that God would keep us safe when we are going from place to place.  I have no issue with the subject matter.  I have issue with the phrase itself.  What on planet Earth is a traveling mercy?  At first I thought it was just a Jamesism, but it's not!  It's not in the Bible!  Nowhere in all of God's story does anyone pray for, ask for, talk about "traveling mercies."  And when you think about it - if you're going to use a weird phrase like that - shouldn't it be "traveling grace"?  I am fully aware that this will now cause giggle outbreaks in prayer circles around the nation [okay - more realistically - among the three people who actually read this blog] when someone says "traveling mercies," and that's a risk that I'm willing to take to provoke change :).

So there you have it!  What are YOUR most annoying Christian clichés, misused phrases, etc.?

The Hardest Words To Sing

When I was little, I used to cry when the ball would drop on New Year's Eve.  Everyone else would be saying "HAPPY NEW YEAR!!" and blowing horns and celebrating, and I'd be sitting there bawling my eyes out.  When this first started to happen, I remember that my mom would say "what on earth is wrong with you?"  And I would say "I miss the old year!!"  It was actually quite hilarious and entertaining for my family members.

Now that I'm grown [?], I find myself getting emotional during ball-drops for a totally different reason.  New Year's Eve is usually a time when people reflect on the past twelve months, make resolutions [boo resolutions] and reflect on their successes and failures.  For me, New Year's Eve since 2002 has meant looking back at the past twelve months and being overwhelmed with gratitude for God bringing me through another year.  I find myself thinking about the difficulties and trials that I faced, and realizing that God has brought me through every single one - and that I'm standing on my feet in my right mind at the end of another year as a living testimony.  There's always a point during a NYE service where I can do nothing but stand and allow tears to fall as I become overwhelmed by the faithfulness of God.

2010 was a very difficult year, and a very incredible year.  I still haven't written my 2010 "reflection note" - hopefully that will come soon - but some of the highlights and lowlights were:

• Returning to Israel for the second time and falling even more in love with the Beautiful Land
• Planning & executing a young adult conference, missions trip and retreat all in the same year
• The death of my grandfather & other family-related struggles
• Seeing breakthroughs happen in the BTKIDS ministry
• Co-leading an amazing but unbelievably difficult missions trip to the Philippines
• Sue adopting baby Levi from Ethiopia
• Experiencing an entire year of health-related problems that are still unresolved
• Meeting and starting a relationship with an incredible man :)

These were the memories that were pouring through my mind as I sat at the Brooklyn Tabernacle for their 7PM and 10PM New Year's Eve service, but especially the last two.  The most amazing blessing and the most difficult challenge of 2010 were going with me into 2011 - figuratively and literally, as one was sitting next to me and the other was affecting my body fairly strongly even at that moment.  What was so interesting was how the two services affected me in totally different ways, and how God spoke to me through both of them. 

At the 7PM, I was so filled with joy and excitement and gratitude that I thought I might start flying while Onaje was singing!  Miguel tactfully and thoughtfully switched spots with me mid-worship so that I could stand on the end of a row [yeah, I definitely need the end of a row], and my hands couldn't be lifted high enough.  I wanted to scream and shout and dance, which I did with a level of restraint appropriate for a BT service :)  Yes, I was remembering the struggles and I knew that I still had problems going into 2011, but my spirit was so encouraged and revived in God's presence.  I remember at the end of the service just whispering "I love you Jesus" over and over, and I could literally almost hear him saying, "I love you too, Amy" right back to me.  The sense of closeness to the Lord and the peace of His presence was overwhelming.  I couldn't wait for the 10PM service to do it all over again.

But the 10PM service was quite different.  For some reason, between services, I lost that sense of God's presence.  My mind started being attacked.  My body started to experience another wave of pain.  Fear started to creep into my mind and my heart.  And I suddenly experienced the near-loss of my voice right at the beginning of worship.  Fighting the temptation to start the "why, God"s - I reminded myself that I couldn't control the circumstances I was facing, but I could control how I responded to them.  I forced myself to lift my hands, sing when I could, praise God and thank Him regardless of what I was feeling - and I felt God speaking to me and saying, "these two services are a reflection of 2010 and will be a reflection of 2011.  You will have amazing, joyful moments when you feel so close to Me and you will worship from depths that you never thought possible.  But there will also be moments when you feel nothing - when you feel as though I've forgotten you and abandoned you, and when your heart and mind and body are broken.  But in all times and in all things, I will be faithful to you and I will uphold you and give you everything you need."  Despite the struggles and difficulties, I felt encouraged that I was fighting the good fight at that moment and not allowing my emotions to dictate my worship.

Until Joanne Brown stepped up to the microphone and began to sing More Than Enough.

I knew it was coming the minute I heard those opening chords.  I knew that I was about to come face-to-face with God over the main issue that was burdening my heart, and I didn't want to.  There have been songs throughout the years that I have had a VERY difficult time singing.  When I was battling with an extremely intense period of mental warfare, I found myself physically unable to sing the last line of the second verse of I Bless Your Name:

Some midnight hour, if you should find
You're in a prison in your mind
Sing out in praise, defy those chains
And they will fall in Jesus' name.

I'd get to that line and have to stop singing, because I felt that I was singing out and defying - but the chains weren't falling.  It took years before I could finally sing that line by faith, and then later by sight.

This past year, it was the song Healer - and I couldn't bring myself to sing "You heal all my disease," because I felt like I was telling a lie... He hadn't healed my disease.  I felt hypocritical singing "I believe You're my healer" when I was battling daily with whether or not God even wanted to heal me.  And God eventually showed me that the song wasn't about an act of healing, it was about a Person and about my trust in Him to "hold my world in His hands" as I waited for my healing.

And then, on a similar note, I got to More Than Enough.  I've been believing God and trusting Him for healing [and other things] for a long time now, and those things haven't happened yet.  And as this song started to play, my mind flashed back to a scene in the movie Facing the Giants where one of the characters desperately wanted to have a child and wasn't able to do so.  She had just come out of the doctor's office where she had, again, been told that she wasn't pregnant - and she stood by her car, crying, and said to God, "Even if You never give me a child, I will still love You."  Flash forward to the last day of 2010 as I'm sitting in my seat at BT, listening to Joanne begin to sing "Jehovah Rapha... You're my healer and by Your stripes, I have been set free."  And I felt God speak to my heart and say, "even if I never heal you on this side of heaven, will you still love Me?"

My breath caught, and tears began to roll involuntarily.  To consider what God was asking me was almost too painful.  I knew He wasn't telling me that He wasn't going to heal me - He was simply checking to see where my heart was... and it was struggling.  To live the rest of my life without being healed?  To never be able to just eat regularly like a normal person and not have to worry about what something might do to my stomach?  I sat and cried and battled - and it wasn't just the healing although that was first and foremost.  It was also, "what if I took away the man sitting beside you?  Would you still love Me?"  And, "what if I called you to leave your family, friends, everything and go to a remote part of the world to experience persecution and suffering for My name so that those who have never heard the gospel could hear it?"  In our minds, we always say "yes, Lord, I'd do anything for You" - but when we're confronted with the reality of those moments, it can easily become a different story.

The song continued, and I wrestled like I haven't wrestled in a long time.  Could I really sing, in spirit and in truth, the words "You are more than enough for me?"  Was 'just God' enough if I never received the miracles that I was praying for?  God was calling me to bring my own will and desires - even Godly ones and ones that are in line with His Word - under the subjection of His perfect sovereignty.  I didn't want to do that.  I wanted control.  I wanted to know what was going to happen with me, when and how I was going to be healed, what was to be the outcome of this relationship, how 2011 was going to operate - and God was calling me to let go of all of it.  And I thought of that woman in Facing the Giants, and how she was able to say through her tears, "even if You never give me a child - I will still love You."  And by the end of the song, through an incredible amount of pain, God gave me the grace to say, "Lord, even if You never heal me - I will still love You.  Even if You take away everything and everyone that I love - I will still love You.  Even if You 'slay me,' as Job said - I will still love You."

And on the last few lines, I lifted my hands and sang:

You are more than enough
More than enough
More than enough for me.

 

I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me.  Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me.  But He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.'... That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties.  For when I am weak, then I am strong. 

-The Apostle Paul [2 Corinthians 12:7-10]